My Profile Page
by MidnightIllumination1222
Summary: This used to be my profile page, but it was getting so long I figured I'd be better off just making it into a 'story' . Always 'complete' but never finished if that makes any sense to you!
1. Funny Stuff

Fun stuff!

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You Know You're a Book **Nerd** If:

You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on.

You stay up to read a book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading.

Just about everything you do revolves around reading. If you're not reading, you're probably on , drawing fan art, etc.

You try to get all of your friends to read your favorite books.

Everything reminds you of the book.

You quote random lines all the time.

You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't.

You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class.

You have pictures of your favorite characters on your computer.

You've got a book memorized.

You've read a specific book more than five times.

You've read a book with 400 pages in less than two days.

You've planned and prepared a siege on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like.

You blatantly deny it when someone calls a character fictional.

IF YOU ARE A BOOK NERD AND PROUD OF IT, COPY AND PASTE ONTO YOUR PROFILE!

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I vow to never pair Hikaru or Kaoru with anyone other than each other. I understand that they are brothers. I understand that it's an act of incest. I understand that they are twins. But in all honesty, I don't care. Love is love no matter who its with. It does not matter if lovers are two different people from two different backgrounds, or the closest bound twins. Love is love, and it knows no limits. This is the Hitachiincest creed. If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Lily Truesdale, httydlover12,

Love knows no limits. So why set them? Love is love no matter who it's with. If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Lily Truesdale, httydfreakforever

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Forgive your enemies... Nothing _annoys_ them so much!

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I've gone to find myself. If I get back before I return, please keep me here.

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If "Plan A" didn't work, the alphabet has twenty-five more letters so stay cool. Once you get to "Plan Z" and it's still not working, then you can panic.

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Best friends are aware of how stupid you are, but still choose to be seen in public with you.

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Most learn by observation. Some learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually _touch_ the fire to see if it's hot.

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I'm not afraid of Death. What's he going to do, _kill_ me?

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We're not retreating! We're advancing in another direction!

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Heaven doesn't want me there and Hell knows I'll take over.

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STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the body's desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.

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_Fashion _is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

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Handyman's law:_ cut to fit, beat into place._

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He who talks by the yard and thinks by the inch deserves to be kicked by the foot.

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Work now, make others work later.

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Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

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Speaking in front of a crowd is the number one fear for an average person. Number two is death. That means if you have to be at a funeral, you'd rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.

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Men think one of three things at any given time: I want a sandwich, I want a woman, or I want a woman who can make me a sandwich.

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Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

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God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs. Dinosaurs eat man. Women inherit the Earth!

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There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's just weird when you lose.

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Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

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Its always in the last place you look... Of course it is, why the heck would you keep looking after you found it?

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Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

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You never grow up... You just learn how to behave in public.

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"Hello and welcome to Mental Health Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press one repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, ask someone else to press two for you. If you have multiple personalities, press three, four, five, six, and seven. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want so please stay on the line and we will trace your call. If you are delusional press, eight and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic, please listen carefully and the small voice will tell you what number to press. If you are dyslexic, please press six and nine. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter what button you press because no one will answer. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later. If you have low self esteem hang up, all our operators are too busy to talk to you. Thank you for calling."

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**_REMEMBER WHEN_**

REMEMBER WHEN_  
_getting _HIGH_ meant swinging at a playground?_  
_the worst thing you could get from a boy was _COOTIES_?  
_MOM_ was your hero_  
_and _DAD_ was the boy you were gonna marry?_  
_when your _W0RST ENEMIES_ were your _sibling_s_  
_and _RACE ISSUES_ were about who ran fastest?_  
_when _WAR_ was a card game_  
_and life was _SIMPLE_ and _CAREFREE_?_  
_remember when all you wanted to do  
_WAS GROW UP_?

Put This In Your Profile If You're Still Five Inside... No Matter How Old You Are Now

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Make A Sentence:  
Pick the month you were born on... (bold what ya are!)

1(Jan) - I shot  
2 (Feb) -I ran shirtless with  
3 (Mar) -I stabbed  
4 (Apr) - I killed  
5 (May) - I slapped  
6 (June)-I robbed  
7 (July) -I kissed  
8 (Aug) -I smoked with  
9 (Sept) - I needed  
10 (Oct) - I hugged  
11 (Nov) - I ran naked with  
12 (Dec) - I banged

Pick the day (number) you were born on...

01 - a rock star  
02 - my boyfriend  
03 -a hobo  
04 - a homeless guy  
05 - the one that i love  
06 -the trojan man  
07 - the cookie monster  
08 - a sexy girl  
09 - a bowl of cereal  
10 - a mop  
11 - a tooth brush  
12 - a hobo  
13 -a dog  
14 - a drunk  
15 - a crack head  
16 - a cat  
17 - a bag of weed  
18 - the kool-aid man  
19 - an Easter egg  
20 - tori the snowman  
21 - a hottie  
22 - my crush  
23 -yo momma  
24 - a Mexican  
25 - a teletubby  
26 - a condom  
27 - a gangsta  
28 - Paris Hilton  
29 - Barney the Dinosaur  
30 - my ex boyfriend  
31 -my lover

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing...

White - because I'm sexy like that  
Black - because I love weed  
Pink - because I smoke crack  
Turquoise- because I'm good in bed  
brown- because I like to snort cocaine  
Polka Dots - because I hate my life  
Purple - because I'm gay  
Grey - because I have AMAZING boobs  
Other - because I'm retarded  
Green -because that bum stole my taco  
Orange - because I still love him  
Red- because the gummy bears made me  
blue - because I like shoelaces  
Tye dye- because I'm a fucking scuba diver  
graphic- because I am crazy like that  
none- because I have a killer six pack!

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I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile!

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**_25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER_**

**_1\. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."_**

**_2\. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."_**

**_3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"_**

**_4\. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."_**

**_5\. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."_**

**_6\. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."_**

**_7\. My mother taught t me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."_**

**_8\. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."_**

**_9\. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"_**

**_10\. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."_**

**_11\. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."_**

**_12\. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"_**

**_13\. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."_**

**_14\. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"_**

**_15\. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."_**

**_16\. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . "Just wait until we get home."_**

**_17\. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"_**

**_18\. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."_**

**_19\. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"_**

**_20\. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."_**

**_21\. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."_**

**_22\. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."_**

**_23\. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"_**

**_24\. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."_**

**_25\. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you_**

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Illiterate? Write For Help  
Heart Attacks... God's Revenge for Eating His Animal Friends  
If they don't have chocolate in heaven.. I ain't going!  
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the Kitchen.  
Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time.  
Do not start with me.. you will NOT win!  
You have the right to remain silent, so please shut up!  
All stressed out and no one to choke.  
Don't upset me! I'm running out places to hide the bodies!  
I have PMS and a handgun, any questions?  
God must love stupid people...he made so many!  
Judge me all you want. Just keep the verdict to yourself!  
In theory, everything works.  
The world is coming to an end. Please log off.  
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.  
I just love nonverbal communication!  
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!  
Who died and made YOU Darth Vader?  
Mirrors can't talk. And lucky for you they don't laugh.  
DARE to keep cops off doughnuts.  
Before giving someone a piece of mind be sure you have enough to spare!  
"Don't criticize my mess unless you'd like to become part of it."  
"I have a mind like a steel trap; it is rusty and illegal in 47 states"  
"A good essay is 10 inspiration, 15 perspiration, and 75 desperation"  
"It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility"!  
I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight  
"There's nothing wrong with being a loser, it just depends on how good you are at it."  
If at first you don't succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!  
Thank-you for visiting reality, come again... Now entering your life, welcome  
"Behind every good man there is a good woman and behind that another man looking at her butt."  
Every morning is the dawn of a new error  
Access denied-nah nah na nah nah!  
Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!

If I had no sense of humor then I would have commited suicide long ago - MahatmaGhandi

Do not argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with  
experience

If ignorance is bliss then you must be orgasmic

Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?

Do good S&amp;M fans go to hell?

If you choke a Smurf what color does it turn?

Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day,  
nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.

There's a reason why Claymores say 'This side towards enemy'

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and  
yelling like the passengers in his car

This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill  
them

Some people say 'if you can't beat them, join them'. I say 'If you can't beat  
them, beat them', because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will  
have the element of surprise

If at first you don't succeed...go back and reload the gun

Warning: Trespassers will be shot  
Warning: Survivors will be shot again

Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat

There are few problems that can't be solved with high explosives

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a  
discharge for loving one

If it's stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid

Shoot first, shoot later, shoot again, then when everyone's dead, try to ask a  
question or two

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.  
Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. -Jetflash

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**Most, but Others**

Most girls like pink

Most girls where eyeshadow and make-up

Most girls yell at rain

Most girls love guys who don't love them

Most girls be what other people want them to be

Most girls love to be hated, and hate to be loved

Most girls are selfish

Most girls are fake But. . .

Other girls like red

Other girls where nothing but their dirty clothes from yesterday

Other girls play in the rain

Other girls kick a guy when they don't love them

Other girls be themselves

Other girls laugh at being hated, and love to be loved

Other girls care for others before themselves

Other girls are real

Most girls think this is stupid and hate it, Other girls will love this and post it immediately.

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**CHEESE! If you are random and proud of it, copy this into your profile.**

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**If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan, Chocolate Chan, . .window, TheDevilsAngel93, c. b. o. l., Vert9411, pinkcherryblossoms225, CherryBlossoms016, Sam-AKA-SakuxSasuLover-, crimsonchidori, Alicia Kawa Uchiha, SilentSinger948, Homicidal Whispers, naruhina-fanboy-devlin, Spartan Ninja, Hao-The-Angel-Of-Darkness**, **Phoenixtear101, httydfreakforever**

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**If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this to your profile**

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**If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile**

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**If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile**

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**If you would absolutely love waking up in a different dimension full of magic, put this into your profile**

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**if this site is an addiction and your parents don't know add this to your profile**

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**if you threaten inanimate objects put this on your profile**

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**If you have a wild imagination and it seems like no one appreciates it or has any imagination worth squat, add this to your profile.**

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**If you ever threatened a computer or video game console, add this to your profile.**

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**If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this in your profile.**

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**If you have a story in your head, copy and paste this into your profile**

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**If you are a teenager, copy and paste this into your profile.**

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**If you have a small but dedicated circle of friends, copy and paste this into your profile.**

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**If you like animals, copy and paste this into your profile.**

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**_If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. Oh the irony..._**

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**At last! My plans for world domination are complete! MUAHAHAHAA? Oh look, something shiny! :-P**

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**if you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and sea if ohtres can raed it.**

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**If you ever were told to go somewhere and you forgot why and you had to go back to find out copy this into your profile!**

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**If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile**

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**If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.**

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**If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.**

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**If you have ever read a 250 pg book in less than one day, copy and paste this to your profile.**

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**If you like reading, copy and paste this into your profile.**

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**If you think that writing or reading Fanfic stories is fun, copy and paste this onto your profile.**

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**If you say RAWR! and you are a dinosaur, copy and paste this to your profile**

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**If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile!**

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If you've ever wished that dragons exist in our time, copy and paste this into your profile. (That would be so cool!)

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If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile copy and paste this into your profile. (Well we're writers. It's an occupational hazard.)

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If you can't wait for the HTTYD sequels, then copy and paste this on your profile.

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If you think that Toothless is the awesomest dragon character in HTTYD, copy paste this on your profile. (Yes! And the Cutest!)

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If you're hopelessly addicted to chocolate, paste this into your profile. (I can't help it! They're so good!)

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If you think Toothless is cute as a cat. Copy and paste this onto your profile.

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If you realize that by joining this site, you are a part of something special, paste this into your profile.

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If you feel alone in the world and think no one understands you, copy and paste this into your profile.

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If you think that girls are equals to boys, copy and paste this on your profile. (We so are! Am I right girls?)

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If you think that child abuse is wrong and should be stopped completely, copy and past this into your profile. (I hate child abuse! IT SO CRUEL!)

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If you have ever thought of something funny and started laughing aloud copy and paste this into your profile. (I do that loads of times.)

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If you've ever wished you could go into a book, and join the fun in the adventure copy and paste this into your profile. (So do!)

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93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, blissfulmememories, Vampire Apple, Queen S of Randomness 016, Spirit Elma, HikariTenshiYamiTenshi, Funny Stuff, YaoiLover1995, Maui Girl 808, HTTYD229, Saphirabrightscale, httydfreakforever

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FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "You will die in seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place &amp; say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

FRIENDS: Would read ignore this.

BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this.

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Girls  
are like  
apples on trees.  
The best ones are  
at the top of the  
boys dont want to reach  
for the good ones because they  
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.  
Instead, they just get the rotten apples  
from the ground that aren't as good,  
but easy. So the apples at the top think  
something is wrong with them, when in  
reality, they're amazing. They just  
have to wait for the right boy to  
come along, the one who's  
brave enough to  
climb all  
the way  
to the top.

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I'M THE TYPE OF GIRL  
WHO WILL BURST OUT LAUGHING IN DEAD  
SILENCE BECAUSE OF SOMETHING THAT  
HAPPENED YESTERDAY.

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Things to think about!

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?  
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?  
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?  
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?  
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?  
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?  
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?  
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?  
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?  
So what's the speed of dark?  
How come abbreviated is such a long word?  
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?  
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?  
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...  
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?  
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?  
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?  
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?  
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?  
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.  
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?  
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?  
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?  
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?  
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?  
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?  
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?  
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?  
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?  
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?  
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.  
Why is dyslexic so hard to spell?

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In the How to Train Your Dragon book series, the Green Death is Green and the Purple Death is Purple. So in the movie, why is the Red Death Blue?! (Maybe for it's red horns?)

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58 Ways to get Kicked out of Wal-Mart

1\. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them  
and stranding them at strategic locations.

2\. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3\. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals  
throughout the day.

4\. Don't bother doing your own shopping. Simply find someone with a full trolley containing roughly the items you need, and when they are not looking take it and go pay for it at the checkout. (this is not stealing, they did not own the items yet, they were simply 'moving them around')

5\. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the  
spray air fresheners.

6\. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.

7\. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8\. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit, then arrange them into erotic poses. (be creative with the gift-wrap tubes used in point 6).

9\. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly,  
especially in thin aisles.

10\. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I  
think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

11\. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off  
and turn the volume up to full blast.

12\. Re-enact a fatal incident involving the automatic doors.

13\. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen  
you in so long." etc. See if they play along. Insist on calling them 'Bob', and if they protest, get angry about it (violent if necissary).

14\. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself  
loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"

15\. When you leave the store, try your car keys in the door of every car in the car park until you get to your own. Then drive off as if this is perfectly normal. (Note- if you don't actually own a car and walked to the store, attempt the above by substituting car keys with your house keys).

16\. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are  
taking it for a test drive.

17\. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet  
behind them. Do this until they leave the store.

18\. Ask if you can test some super-glue before buying it, then walk around the store gluing random items to other items/customers/staff. For added fun: See how many cashiers you can glue to each-other before any of them notice.

19\. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items. If the cashier protests, kill them.

20\. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and  
when they say you didn't buy it there say "The customer is always right darn it!" Make a scene.

21\. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22\. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you  
will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23\. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other  
aisles.

24\. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25\. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,  
"I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."

26\. Climb things.

27\. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28\. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"  
upside down. Once you have mastered this, progress to "boobs".

29\. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and  
say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30\. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between  
them yelling "Red Rover."

31\. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any  
in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples). Do a vague hand-mime of what a 'Shnerple' looks like to assist them.

32\. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale  
battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.

33\. Take bets on the battle from above.

34\. Test the brushes and combs in Cosmetics on all the live animals in Pet-Care.

35\. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask  
the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as  
possible.

36\. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

37\. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from  
Mission Impossible.

38\. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39\. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags against their will.

40\. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to  
your Twinkies."

41\. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42\. Two words: Marco Polo.

43\. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet  
section, etc.

44\. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's using an alternative alphabet of your choosing.

45\. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with  
various funnels.

46\. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at  
something, quickly place random combinations of items in their cart, such as 'A Large Cucumber and a Tub of Vasceline'.

47\. Relax in the patio furniture drinking beer until you get kicked out.

48\. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to your knees and scream, "No, no, its those voices again!"

49\. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

50\. Leave a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

51\. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&amp;M's on lay away.

52\. Look right into the security camera &amp; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

53\. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

54\. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

55\. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,  
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

56\. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..

"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

58\. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

* * *

Things you shouldn't say to cops.

1\. "Sorry about knocking up your wife."

2\. "Oh, hey officer. Why'd ya wake me up? What? I've been asleep this whole time, I don't remember running over any crossing guards."

3\. "How about I buy you a dozen donuts and you let me off the hook?"

4\. "Is that a pistol in your holster or are you coming on to me?"

5\. "Hey Ociffer! Whaddaya been upwards to, huh?"

6\. "Oh, sure! You arrest _me_ for drunk driving. But, when some other cop does it, you go get donuts!"

7\. "You're a member of the force, right? So... where's the lightsaber?"

8\. "I know that you'd much rather be drinking coffee right now, so, what's stopping you?"

9\. "I'm just a student driver... Honest."

10\. "So... About the whole 'You'll never take me alive' thing... That was just a joke..."

11\. "Yeah, I'd like a large fries, A whopper, One milkshake... wait, no, make that _two_ milkshakes, and a stack of flapjacks."

12\. "So, I was going 120 in a school zone? Then you must have been going 125 to catch me. Good job officer... Good job."

13\. "Bad boys, bad boys... whatcha gonna do when they come for you?"

14\. "What do you mean 'stealing from the evidence locker is illegal'? You do it all the time!"

15\. "Hell yeah! a 500 ticket! I_ finally_ broke my record!"

16\. "Here, hold my beer while I get out my driver's license."

17\. "Whatever you do, don't look in the trunk."

* * *

Things to Do in an Exam you Already Know That You are Going to Fail:

1\. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!"

2\. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3\. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4\. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5\. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

6\. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7\. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8\. Come down with a BAD case of Torte's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9\. Bring things to throw at the instructor when she/he is not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10\. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

12\. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13\. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.

15\. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16\. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

17\. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

18\. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19\. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20\. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

22\. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23\. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

25\. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26\. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27\. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28\. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

30\. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

31\. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.

32\. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

33\. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."

35\. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. Strike a pose first for added effect.

38\. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby.

40\. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.

41\. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it.

44\. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.

45\. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras

* * *

HATERS=

H-having  
A-anger  
T-towards  
E-everyone  
R-reaching  
S-success

Don't be a hater!

* * *

OTHER RANDOM STUFF!

WAYS TO ANNOY YOUR PARENTS!

1\. Follow them around the house everywhere.  
2\. Pretend to have amnesia.  
3\. Say everything backwards.  
4\. Run into walls.  
5\. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.  
6\. Go into their room at 4 in the morning and say "Good Morning Sunshine!"  
7\. Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder.  
8\. Say all of the words in a film.  
9\. Pluck someone's hair out and yell "DNA!"  
10\. Wear a sticker that says "I'm retarded!"  
11\. Talk to a pen.  
12\. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to ALL the time.  
13\. Try and climb the wall.  
14\. Switch the light button on and off for awhile. Then say "Oh...I get it!"  
15\. Eat your hair.  
16\. When you shower or bath yell "I'm drowning!"  
17\. At everything they say yell "LIAR!"  
18\. Pretend to be a phone.  
19\. Try to swim in the floor.  
20\. Tap on their door all night.

* * *

10 Ways To Be S-T-U-P-I-D:

1\. Ask for directions to a place you're already at.  
2\. Order pizza from McDonald's.  
3\. Get hit by a parked car.  
4\. Try to watch Saturday cartoons on Thursday.  
5\. Try to sell your money.  
6\. Try (and fail) to play the alphabet on the piano.  
7\. Eat all-you-can-eat at a store.  
8\. Get into a fight with yourself, and lose.  
9\. Try to go swimming without getting wet.  
10\. Ask for diet water at a restaraunt.

* * *

The 10 Commandments of a Teenager!

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.  
(Why wait that long?)  
2) Thou shall not do drugs.  
(Alcohol lasts longer, not to mention it's cheaper.)  
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.  
(Walmart has a bigger selection.)  
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.  
(Destruction has a bigger effect, and why the h-e-double hockey sticks would you let yourself get arrested?!)  
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.  
(Everyone knows grandma has more money.)  
6) Thou shall not get into fights.  
(Just start them.)  
7) Thou shall not skip class.  
(Just take the whole day off.)  
8) Thou shall not kiss boys in school.  
(Kiss them outside instead.)  
9) Thou shall not worry about tests.  
(Just cheat on them: better marks.)  
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.  
(Just leave em in the middle)

* * *

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity. . . .

1\. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on, and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.  
2\. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.  
3\. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.  
4\. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you're woken up, shout, "AMEN! Or PAYING ATTENTION!"  
5\. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone's gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.  
6\. In the memo field of all your checks, write, "For marijuana."  
7\. Finish all your sentences with, "In accordance with the prophecy." Or, "in the garden with a meat cleaver."  
8\. Skip down the hall instead of walking and see how many looks you get.  
9\. Order diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.  
10\. Specify that your drive-through order is to go.  
11\. Sing along at the opera.  
12\. Put mosquito netting around your work are and play tropical sounds all day.  
13\. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.  
14\. When money comes out of the ATM, scream, "I won! I won!"  
15\. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THEY'RE LOOSE!"  
16\. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we're gonna have to let one of you go."

* * *

Things to do on an Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask, "Got enough air in there?"  
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.  
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.  
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.  
5) MEOW occasionally.  
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly  
7) SAY -DING at each floor.  
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.  
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.  
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."  
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"  
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.  
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."  
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.  
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.  
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.  
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"  
18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"  
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.  
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.  
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.  
22) CALL out "Group hug!" then enforce it.

* * *

HOW CRAZEE?

Crazy is when you have a voice in your head that you named Pedro, even though he clearly isn't Spanish and you just do that to annoy him.

Crazy is when you're so obsessed with eating your Jell-o, but you forgot your spoon, so you try to drink it through a straw.

Crazy is when you start dancing in Walmart to its cheesy music.

Crazy is when you laugh uncontrolable at your own jokes.

Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what is so interesting about the eraser.

Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on.

Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself.

Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do.

Crazy is when you laugh when nothing's funny.

Crazy is when you crack up if someone says "Oatmeal!".

Crazy is when you forget what you're saying in the middle of a sentence.

Crazy is when you take the time to write down stuff like this and memorize it.

Crazy is when your are going through this as a checklist.

Crazy is when you quote Charlie the Unicorn at random moments.

Crazy is when you eat twenty pixie sticks in one day.

Crazy is when your crazy.

Crazy is when start talking nonsense everyday during gym.

Crazy is when you convince your friends you're high, because you can't stop laughing when nothing's funny.

Crazy is when you trip up the stairs, and laugh all the way back down them.

Crazy is when it is last day of school you scream and run around in circles.

Crazy is when you get drunk on air and laugh during the saddest part of the move.

Crazy is when you can call yourself something else, and completely become that person, forgetting your reason for hating the world.

Crazy is when you laugh at nothing during school and laugh when everyone looks at you like your insane.

Crazy is when you trip over nothing at all, fall, and say "I see the ground...it's pretty".

* * *

Ways to Annoy people at the cinema:

Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"

Go, "Oooooh . . ." whenever anyone kisses.

Clap when the good guy gets killed.  
During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"  
Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"  
Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.  
Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.  
Yell out what is going to happen.  
Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.  
Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.  
Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  
Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.  
Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.  
Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.  
Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.  
Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.  
Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino . . .)  
Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.  
Try to start a wave.  
Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.  
Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.  
Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"  
Sing with the theme music.  
Bring and use your own air freshener.  
At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."  
Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.  
Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.  
Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.  
Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"  
Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.  
Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.  
Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.  
When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"  
Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.  
Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"  
Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.  
Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.  
Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat"  
Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.  
Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.  
Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.  
Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.  
Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room.  
Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.  
Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"  
Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"  
Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"  
Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.  
Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.  
Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.  
Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.  
Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the ending.

* * *

TRY THIS!:

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't.

this is this cat  
this is is cat  
this is how cat  
this is to cat  
this is keep cat  
this is a cat  
this is retard cat  
this is busy cat  
this is for cat  
this is forty cat  
this is seconds cat

Now go back and read the third word of each line. I bet you you'll smile

* * *

Ah, marriage:

Before marriage:

Boy: At last, I can hardly wait!  
Girl: Do you want me to leave?  
Boy: No, don't even think about it!  
Girl: Do you love me?  
Boy: Of course, always!  
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?  
Boy: No, why are you asking?  
Girl: Will you kiss me?  
Boy: Every chance I get.  
Girl: Will you slap me?  
Boy: Heck no, are you crazy?  
Girl: Can I trust you?  
Boy: Yes!  
Girl: Darling!

After marriage (read it backwards. LMAO!)

* * *

Normal people rely on their local weatherperson for a forecast

Httyd fans tell Thor to make a storm

Normal people say omg

Httyd fans say oh my gods

Normal people go to a psychiatrist to tell their problems

Httyd fans don't because they no it takes away their awesomeness

Normal people say quiet or I'll tell on you

Httyd fans say be quiet or my dragon will burn you to a crisp

Normal people think Httyd fans are crazy

Httyd fans know normal people aren't themselves

Normal People when being chased yell someone help me

Httyd fans when being chased call their dragons for help

Normal people look for someplace sunny to go for vacation

Httyd fans try to find Berk

Normal people get nervous or scared during lightning storms

Httyd fans yell night fury get down

Normal people don't have this on their profile

Httyd fans must have this on their profile!

* * *

Got this from Ynot7:

Ways to torture Soul Eater characters, cause I'm evil ^.^

Maka  
Replace all her hardcover books with softcovers (so the Maka chop is less effective XD)

Soul  
Tell him Jazz is out of style

Black Star  
Tell God Black Star wants to surpass him.

Tsubaki  
Give Black Star sugar pills.

Kid  
Keep telling him that there's a spot on his clothes even when there isn't, for several hours.

Patty  
Tell her a ghost story that says all the giraffes whose heads she's torn off, will come back for vengeance.

Liz  
Mess with her nail polish.

Crona  
Ask him his gender.

Ragnarok  
Tell him Crona wants to give blood.

Spirit  
Tell him Soul got Maka pregnant.

Blair  
Introduce her to a dog witch.

Justin  
Tell him you're an atheist.

Mifune  
Tell him that many fans assume he's a pedo.

Medusa  
Walk up to her wearing snakeskin boots.

Sid  
Show him any zombie movie aside from Warm Bodies.

Nygus  
Unwrap her bandaids.

Mosquito  
Tell him he'll never measure up to Sebastian as a butler.

Lord Death  
Talk about all the vacation spots he can't go to.

Asura  
Poke him in his third eye.

Eruka  
Eat frog legs in front of her.

Marie  
Have her go through a corn maze.

Little Demon  
Tell him to get his horns trimmed.


	2. Serious Stuff

Important stuff!

* * *

**_RE-POST THIS IF YOU THINK STEREOTYPES ARE EVIL AS HELL!_**

**Bold is me**

**I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.**  
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists  
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.  
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be dumb (I am mostly blonde and I have the best grades in my class. Not to brag.) **  
**I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.  
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat. (I absolutely HATE this stereotype.)  
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be attractive. (So not true. Unfortunately.)  
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy. (The Jewish leaders in bible times, yes, but that doesn't mean everyone is...) **  
**I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.  
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a mature content tape. (So offensive to the innocent ones!)  
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.  
**I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch. (Just because I am outspoken doesn't mean I'm a bitch ALL the time...)  
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL suffer.  
**I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should suffer. (NO NO NO NO AND NO! I am Christian and I have homosexual Christian friends and I'm pansexual.)

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat. (I will love you no matter you're beliefs. Not in a romantic way, I love you as a bff or brother or sister, you can choose.)

**I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world. (Because most of the world is a bunch of idiots... can't argue there...)**  
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals. (See I'm RELIGIOUS)  
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.  
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.  
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.  
**I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash. (I know I'm a southern girl. Does it LOOK like I give a fuck!)**  
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.  
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants. (Duck the world for thinking that, they are the ones who made the perverted ones who they are! We are lucky some of them haven't been corrupted yet.)

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.  
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.  
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage. (Lol no.)  
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid or stuck up  
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be an inappropriate dresser.  
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.  
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob. (I would hope not, anyways, being poor doesn't stop some people...)  
**I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo. (Excuse me but black is my favorite color and I'm one of the happiest girls you'll ever meet!)  
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kindof girlfriend. (Have you MET me? rhetorical question.)  
****I'm NOT A STRAIGHT A STUDENT so I MUST be a popular person.  
**I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.  
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.  
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking person.  
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be irresponsible. (Ever heard of rape?)  
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals. (Nothing wrong with that, just learn to ignore the haters.)**  
**I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".  
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!  
**I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.  
**I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life. (NOT TRUE!)  
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention. (I like wild! :) )  
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention. (I. Like. Wild. Got a problem?)  
I'm INTO THEATER &amp; ART, so I MUST be a homosexual. (Pansexual thank you very much, but I have lots of straight friends in my drama and art clubs.)**  
**I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.  
**I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be 'sharing time' with them. (IF PEOPLE DON'T QUIT WITH THE DAMN RUMORS ABOUT ME SCREWING WITH MY FRIENDS, I WILL SLIT SOMEONE'S FUCKING THROAT! Yes all of most friends are guys! So what! It's who I choose to hang out with. Got a problem? FUCKING DEAL WITH IT!)**  
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.**  
**I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.  
**I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser. (I'm not a poser, I just don't fucking care what you think of me.)  
**I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.  
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO. (No, I have straight and gay friends.)  
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited  
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13  
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy**  
**I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy  
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas  
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction  
**I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.**  
**I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy (Thanks for calling me crazy! I don't really care though!)**  
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.  
**I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat. (Please, I'm a twig. I NEED to eat more)  
**I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly. (Whenifind the right person I will date them, I just don't want to date one of those guys/girls who will dump me after a day.)**  
**I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff  
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks  
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7  
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals. (Did I not make myself clear before? And you think I'm dumb blonde.)  
I'm MIXED so I must be crazy.  
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.  
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork. (And proud of it!)  
I'm MORMON so I MUST have seven wives.  
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black. (I don't care very much for people who botch about me and my friends.)  
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil  
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty  
**I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser. (Do I care?)  
**I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.  
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie &amp; Hollister.  
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid and stuck up.  
**I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naïve. (You don't know me at all, which I can be glad for in a way...)**

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob  
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.  
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.  
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon  
**I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot. (PANSEXUAL! Here, I'll spell it for you: P-a-n-s-e-x-u-a-l)**  
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.  
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.  
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.  
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party  
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.  
**I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a wimp.**  
**I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone. (Not where I live I don't.)  
**I HANG OUT with teenage DRINKERS AND SMOKERS, so I MUST smoke and drink too. (We need to help them, not shun them!)  
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.  
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social. (It depends on who I'm with.)  
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.  
**I tell people OFF, so I MUST be a controlling bitch. (No, I'm a bitch who doesn't care what you think of me so if you piss me off I will tell you.)**  
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills. (I. Don't. Care. What. You. Think. About. Me. So belie what our want.)  
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a brat.**  
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser. (Does it LOOK like I care?)**  
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse. (No, but it would be cool if that were true, I'd move to Texas!)  
I'm a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist  
**I'm a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual. (Guys clothes are more comfortable so fuck off! Even wore mens pajama pants for pajama day at school.)**  
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak. (If you knew me you would know that I still don't care what you think because I fucking LOVE anime.)  
**I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.  
**I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.**  
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak. (You want to take me on? Go for it. I dare you. I have taken karate lessons since I was 3 years old and can carry people 2 to 3 times my size.)  
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant. (Only the last two are true for me...)  
**I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep  
**I'm a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo. (Umm...if you believe that then you think everyone on this site and fictionpress is emo)  
**I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.  
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my girlfriend having a baby. (You had better not...)

I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers  
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.  
**I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE (-flips everyone the bird- Fuck you all!)  
**I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.  
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE. (My blood- he stuffmy body makes BY ITSELF- keeps me alive, so fuck off.  
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and A MURDERER!  
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth. **  
I'm WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.  
**I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE  
**I'm not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser (I should care why?)  
**I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy**  
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-Sue.  
**I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins  
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan  
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion. (I'm not a conservative but I am most DEFINITELY against abortion.)

I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.  
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see. (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! No no no no no!)  
**I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE. (ONLY ANIME!)  
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER. (Again, I should care why?)  
**I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.**  
**I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.  
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST. (If you live in the U.S. and hate Obama you have nothing else to say to me.) **  
**I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.  
**I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY. (Umm... SO? Yaoi is HOT! And technically I'm gay too. I'm pansexual.)  
****I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED. (Fuck you.)  
**I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast  
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.  
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be rude. (I have an eye for detail when I feel like caring. Which is basically when I Beta read.)  
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.  
I'm STRONG so I MUST be stupid.  
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo's  
**I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times.  
**I'm GAY so I'm after EVERY straight guy around.  
I don't want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian. (Sorry but a lot of guy are stuck-up, perverted, jerks,jocks who think that they are better than everyone else, or some other category.  
**I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting. (Were you not listening before?)  
**I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak. (Fuck you.)  
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.  
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.  
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp. (Ever heard of EMPATHY?)  
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist. (If you want a perfectionist then watch episode 3 of Soul Eater.)  
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake. (Wow, just wow.)  
**I am WHITE and I like COMPUTERS, so I MUST be a NERDY GEEK. (Like I give a damn!)  
****I AM KIND to other PEOPLE, so I MUST be WEAK. (Unless you piss me off)  
**I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems  
**I'm PRO-ABORTION , so I MUST be heartless (****I personally wouldn't do it, ****but if that's their choice that's their choice.)  
****I'm DIFFERENT so I MUST be weird (DAMN PROUD OF IT PEOPLE!)  
**I have ASPERGER SYNDROME so I MUST be MENTALLY CHALLENGED  
I LOVE Disney so I MUST still be a little kid. (The cruel world we live in thrusts children into adulthood as fast as it can, don't judge.)  
**I'm a MOE (Has crushes on video game and anime characters) so I MUST be some creepy fangirl. (Again... Does it LOOK like I care!? I can love who I want without your permission.)  
****I'm a OTAKU so I MUST be hated by EVERYONE (Fuck yes! I'm not hated but I annoyed some girls in my section in chorus.)**

* * *

HATE EMO? READ THIS:

Are you laughing?

Isn't it funny an "emo" can be quiet all through the week but gets more shit from everyone than the girl who sleeps around and sells her virginity? ISN'T IT FUNNY that you don't mind your friends drinking, smoking, but the minute someone mentions emo music you can give them a lecture on melodramatic teenage outcasts?

I'm not laughing.

IT'S SO FUNNY that you and your friends can make a girl's life hell and not know anything about the silent battle she might be fighting. ISN'T IT FUNNY that you can call emos, punks, goths the retards but still manage to get through your day without an inch of guilt in your heart.

HOW YOU CAN CALL A GIRL A POSER, HOW CAN YOU SAY "YOU'RE NOT EMO" OR "ATTENTION SEEKER" WITHOUT SPENDING A SECOND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THERE ARE CUTS ON HER WRISTS AND WHY SHE SPENDS HER LUNCHTIMES CRYING INSTEAD OF LAUGHING WITH HER FRIENDS?

KEEP ON LAUGHING

Isn't it funny you can say and do all this without any idea of what is going on in this person's life, without knowing her situation with her friends, or her family, or her LIFE?

BRAVE ISN'T GOING UP ON STAGE AND STRIPPING. BRAVE IS NOT SAYING A SPEECH. OR DUMPING YOUR BOYFRIEND.

BRAVE IS:

GOING TO SCHOOL ON MUFTI DAY AND NOT FOR A SECOND CARE WHAT THE WHORES AROUND YOU ARE SAYING ABOUT YOUR LISTENING TO YOUR OWN MUSIC AND BEING PROUD OF IT. ITS GOING THROUGH EVERY DAY WITH THE THINGS PEOPLE SAY TO YOUR FACE AND BEHIND YOUR BACK AND YOU STILL KEEP QUIET. ITS KNOWING WHAT YOUR "FRIENDS" ARE SAYING ABOUT YOU AND STILL CALLING THEM YOUR FRIENDS. BRAVE IS KNOWING THAT TOMOROW ISNT A BRIGHT AND HAPPY FUTURE. ITS ANOTHER DAY OF BITCHING AND DODGING RUMORS. KEEP ON LAUGHING.  
If you agree, copy and paste into your profile.

* * *

THANK YOU MISSING EXODUS FOR THIS ONE:

HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE DIFFERENT? CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:

It's the same story everyday: A girl in dark colors gets off the worst bus you can imagine, you know, the one with all the dumber-than-dirt country kids who are swearing every five words, listening to a punk rock/gothic rock/heavy metal/or any other dark music. She shuts off the cd player/MP3/ipod and walks into the school. You and your friends are standing inside because you're too wussy to stand outside in LATE MAY in you pretty new Capri pants and new Hollister t-shirt.

You point at her and whisper to your friends about how out-of-touch she is because she's dressed in a baggy hooded sweatshirt and frayed old jeans and she's maintaining a 3.785-4.0 GPA on a 4.0 scale while you're boardline failing. You loudly insult her and talk to her in an obnoxious voice. She just keeps her head down and shuffles right by.

You laugh loudly and say, "How could you have gotten that one wrong? Even a fifth grader knows that!" when she answers a question wrong in class. You and friends push her around in the hallways and trip her in the stairwells. You think she should start drooling over the boys at school and should wear the same clothes you do.

And yet, no matter what you do, she doesn't say anything.

Isn't it hilarious that she can be quiet all week, but still have to put up with more shit than the whore giving out free blowjobs on the bus? ISN'T IT FUNNY that you don't mind fucking a random guy every night, but you go around ripping on her just because she studies in the library every night? Isn't it just bloody fucking hilarious that she needs to sign a pass to the bathroom just to run into an empty classroom to cry at least once a week?

Are you laughing yet?

HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED WHAT HER LIFE IS LIKE?

HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU GO UP TO HER FACE AND TRASH HER GOOD NAME, CALLING HER A 'FREAKY GOTH WANNABE' OR A 'WEEPY-WASHY ATTENTION SEEKER', AND NOT ONCE STOP AT ALL TO CONSIDER WHY YOU NEVER SEE HER PARENTS AROUND, OR WHY SHE ALWAYS WEARS LONG SLEEVES, EVEN IN THE SUMMER?

HOW IN GOD'S GOOD NAME CAN YOU TREAT HER LIKE SHIT JUST BECAUSE SHE THE ONE PERSON YOU CAN NEVER BE: HERSELF UNTO HERSELF?

THERE'S A FINE LINE BETWEEN BEING AN IDIOT AND BEING BRAVE.

BEING BRAVE IS NOT GIVING RANDOM GUYS A BLOWJOB IN BROAD DAYLIGHT. IT IS NOT FUCKING SOME RANDOM GUY ON FRIDAY NIGHT JUST TO SAY YOU FUCKED HIM. BEING BRAVE ISN'T TALKING TO SOME GUY OR DUMPING YOUR CURRENT BOYFRIEND.

BEING BRAVE IS TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK WHEN PEOPLE SLAP YOU. IT'S FORGETTING THE INSULTS AND REMEBERING THE COMMENTS. TRUE BRAVERY IS GOING TO A SCHOOL WHERE YOU SHOULD FEEL SAFE AND INSTEAD, YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE MARCHING RIGHT INTO HELL. TRUE BRAVERY IS BEING TRUE TO THE ONE PERSON, THE ONLY PERSON, WHO MATTERS: YOU.

KEEP LAUGHING, YOU COCK-SUCKING BITCHES, CAUSE I'M GOING FAR AND YOU'RE HARDLY MOVING.

This is the story of my life. Copy this into your profile if it sounds like yours. (Or if your against bullying. Cause that's all this junk is. Bullying against a few stereotypes. That's how I feel. It's one of my extreme pet-peeves.)

* * *

_**All credits of this beautiful speech goes to Nic-n'-Nyx.**_

_**To all other young fiction authors out there. Copy and paste if you wish. It just needs to be said, and needs to be heard;**_

**You may be a reject. You may not be smooth with the spoken word. You may be the most popular kid in school. You may be the boss at your office. You may be short or tall or heavy or light or anorexic or white or dark or struck by an unfriendly label. You may be the homeless guy on the corner or the one inside the store signing books as you hand them out. You may listen to Justin Bieber or to Three Days Grace. But what you _are_ is a writer; never doubt the power of what you can do. Tell me, what did you learn more from this year; the President, or the Hunger Games? The senator or Rick Riordan? The public speaker or Clarissa Fray? Your boss or Pi Patel? American Idol or the Twilight Saga? A list of facts or Harry Potter? Which of them stole the most of your time? Which is more well-known?**

**It's the book. Every time. People fail to realize flaws in our society in their own lives, but they see it in District Twelve and in the Capitol. Books make clear what we can't see with the naked eye. Authors are the ones that speak to people's hearts. Writers are the ones people turn to for lessons and entertainment. It's been this way for thousands of years. We are the teachers of every child who opens a book. The themes we write are the themes they learn. We are there in every life, a quiet influence bound in a pretty cover, months' worth of work and reading, colored with imagery built around the lightning rod of an unforgettable plot line. A story spent months reading is memorable more than a speech listened to for just five minutes. I can't name all the leaders of the world right now, nor what they decide to preach about, but I can tell you all the characters from Percy Jackson, and every little thing they taught me. And they are things worth learning.**

**So don't think there's a better way to make a point. Don't think there's a better way to reach your audience. Fiction stories have been striking the hearts of their readers farther back than anyone alive can remember. And striking the heart is what makes literature so different from everything else. Don't ever doubt your ability to show someone something new, to teach them a life lesson, or the importance of what you have to say. Say it in this foreign language everyone knows. Decorate it with characters and light it with sights and smells and sounds and touches and tastes and give it to the public gift-wrapped with your finest effort. Because I guarantee you, someone is bound to hear you clearer than they've heard anyone else before.**

**I hope you've found some words of inspiration. The world needs it desperately. Do us all a favor, all you writers, and come out of hiding. We've had the greatest influence of all over people of the past, and as we act now, we are the ones influencing the future. We have more knives and pens than the BVB Army, more sway in society than the Senate (whom we have proved this to before), more power than any celebrity you could name. I'm calling on you now. Rise up. I dare you to write something today that readers won't forget. I challenge you to make someone cry with one thin little page of text. I urge, no, I _demand_ you to put something down on paper that'll be copied and produced and remembered for longer than Ancient Mythologies have been. I dare you to slam a revolving door. I demand you to write a message in the folds of a book and watch how, in awe, people unwrap it. Watch your footprints stand bold against the falling snow and refuse to be covered. It is all possible, I assure you. You have no idea just what power you hold in a pen - or a keyboard - until you _use it._**

**And right now, the world needs you to use it more than ever.**

**We, writers, have made history. We were the ones to _record_ it. And that ability has not changed at all, just our awareness and will to use it. We were given the gift language and storytelling for a reason.**

**This is that reason. It's calling. So ask yourself what message you want to send. Ponder about what you want to say. Because the world is listening to us above all other beings currently on this earth. _Us_, not the movies, not the official-labeled politicians, not the superstars. And it's our job to give it a story that's worthwhile.**

**What's yours?**

* * *

**Month one**

**Mommy**  
**I am only 8 inches long**  
**but I have all my organs.**  
**I love the sound of your voice.**  
**Every time I hear it**  
**I wave my arms and legs.**  
**The sound of your heart beat**  
**is my favorite lullaby.**

**Month Two**

**Mommy**  
**today I learned how to suck my thumb.**  
**If you could see me**  
**you could definitely tell that I am a baby.**  
**I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.**  
**It is so nice and warm in here.**

**Month Three**

**You know what Mommy**  
**I'm a boy!**  
**I hope that makes you happy.**  
**I always want you to be happy.**  
**I don't like it when you cry.**  
**You sound so sad.**  
**It makes me sad too**  
**and I cry with you even though**  
**you can't hear me.**

**Month Four**

**Mommy**  
**my hair is starting to grow.**  
**It is very short and fine**  
**but I will have a lot of it.**  
**I spend a lot of my time exercising.**  
**I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes**  
**and stretch my arms and legs.**  
**I am becoming quite good at it too.**

**Month Five**

**You went to the doctor today.**  
**Mommy, he lied to you.**  
**He said that I'm not a baby.**  
**I am a baby Mommy, your baby.**  
**I think and feel.**  
**Mommy, what's abortion?**

**Month Six**

**I can hear that doctor again.**  
**I don't like him.**  
**He seems cold and heartless.**  
**Something is intruding my home.**  
**The doctor called it a needle.**  
**Mommy what is it? It burns!**  
**Please make him stop!**  
**I can't get away from it!**  
**Mommy! HELP me!**

**Month Seven**

**Mommy**  
**I am okay.**  
**I am in Jesus's arms.**  
**He is holding me.**  
**He told me about abortion.**  
**Why didn't you want me Mommy?**

**Every Abortion Is Just . . .**

**One more heart that was stopped.**  
**Two more eyes that will never see.**  
**Two more hands that will never touch.**  
**Two more legs that will never run.**  
**One more mouth that will never speak.**

**If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cried post this in your profile.**

* * *

**TRUE STORY**

**_A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away._**

**_As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely._**

**_The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won't repost it?_**

**_Repost this if you truly believe in God._**

**_PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what, and if you stand up for him he will stand up for you._**

**_If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven_**

* * *

One day after school I saw a guy named Kyle walking. He had a stack of books in his arms and he looked like he was having trouble carrying them. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him.

So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives."

He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"

There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.

We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends, and he said yes. We hung out all weekend, and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscle with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed, and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke.

I knew that we would always be friends, and that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation, and I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Sometimes, I was even jealous!

Today was one of those days.I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, 'Hey, big guy, you'll be great!' He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. 'Thanks,' he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began, "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach . . . but mostly your friends . . . I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later, and was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable." I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.

I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture, you can change a person's life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

You now have two choices. You can either, 1. Put this on your profile. Or 2. Forget you read this and act like it didn't touch your heart. As you can see, I took choice number 1.  
'Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.'

* * *

I found this story on lala32903's profile.

This story is Amazing

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back."The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."

His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me."

"I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

"OK" he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"

Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''

"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

"My mommy loves white roses."

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.

And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message, or

2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart

* * *

**Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...  
He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...  
He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...  
He had no army, yet kings feared him...  
He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world...  
He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...  
**

**He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.**


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